An Uncanny Kid Razor Christmas
by L1701E
Summary: One Shot. Kid Razor gives the big heroes of the URMVerse some...unusual gifts as part of a yearly tradition. R and R please!


**An Uncanny Kid Razor Christmas**

**Author's Note: Hey there, folks! L1701E here! I thought I'd have a little fun and let Kid Razor have some fun in the URM-Verse in the form of having him play "Santa Razor" for the heroes! I hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: "Hello? We'd like to be rescued, please."**

**Upon a Rooftop in Cleveland, Christmas Eve**

The night sky cast the light of the stars it held over the city of Cleveland, home of the fearless teenage super-rocker known as Kid Razor. The Ultimate Rockstar himself stood on the rooftop, radiating impatience. His tights were red with green-and-silver razor blades on them (with matching wristcuffs), tucked into a pair of green boots with red-and-silver fringe. Over the black Lynyrd Skynyrd sweater he wore, Razor had on a red sleeveless leather jacket with green-and-silver racing strips down the front, and white fur around the neck and shoulders. His blond-maned head was topped by a sparkly red Santa hat. The white fur brim also had a green band around it with silver studs. His face paint was red with green-and-silver stripes. Slung across his back was a red Stratocaster with a green-and-white-striped pickguard. He tapped his foot and crossed his arms.

"C'mon, Spence!" Razor whined. "Hurry it up! Santa Razor has a lot of places to go, and not a lot of time to visit them!"

"I'm hurryin', I'm hurryin'!" Spencer Burton, the Cincinnati-born armored speedster called Sonic Blue, sighed. He pulled his head out from under the hood of a red vehicle that looked like the combination of a 50s-style muscle car and Santa's sleigh. The vehicle had green-and-white highlights. He closed the hood of the car. "There we go! Santa Razor's sleigh is ready."

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Jeffrey Dutt, the high-flying Seattle-born hero called Winger wondered.

"I do it every year! What's the big deal?" Razor wondered.

"Well Razor, let's just say that your gifts tend to be…" Spencer struggled to find the words. "…less than desirable." Razor laughed.

"Oh, come on!" The Kid of Rock laughed. "You can't honestly tell the Kid of Rock that you guys didn't ever think about giving Cap Geritol. The old man needs it."

"What about the gift you gave to the Invisible Woman last year?" Danny "Fingers" Carrington, the blue-haired psychic water-manipulator called Psywave, snickered as he remembered.

"Heh. The Kid of Rock never heard Reed complaining." Razor smirked.

"He gives the same gift to all the women every year." Spencer groaned.

"What about the time you gave Namor a copy of those infamous pictures you got of Sue?" Jeffrey remembered. He then realized something. "Hey, you never let me see them! You promised me you'd let me see 'em!"

"Ah, that flat-topped pointy-eared arrogant Spock-ripoff jerk owes the Kid of Rock for those pics." Razor scowled.

"You certainly do have a…interesting take on the Christmas spirit." Spencer sighed.

"You're _surprised?_" Fingers chuckled at the teenage genius.

"Anyway, what're you guys gonna do for Christmas?" Razor wondered.

"I'm just going to have a quiet night with my family and friends." Spencer smiled.

"My family's gathering around." Winger nodded.

"The Cavaliers are gonna play at a Christmas special." Fingers told Razor. "Too bad you can't be there tonight."

"Ah, well." Razor shrugged. "The Kid of Rock has a busy life. Have a good time, fellas. I got you guys your presents already. I already dealt with the other local heroes, now I gotta deal with the big guys." Razor snickered.

"Oh, _that's_ gonna be fun. I'm glad _you're_ the one who does this. Not me." Winger chuckled. Razor shrugged.

"We all have to do things to improve the condition of mankind in the holiday season, my friend." Razor countered.

"By giving all the female superheroes lingerie?" Spencer crossed his arms.

"It wasn't just the water in Westchester that caused all those X-Chicks to get knocked up good." Razor snickered. "I'll see you guys around."

"If the New York Heroes don't catch you first." Fingers snickered. Razor got into his Sleigh-mobile. A portal appeared in front of the car thanks to the built-in Warper device. The car drove through the portal and vanished. The other heroes used their Warpers to return to their homes. After a couple hours, Razor returned.

"Ah…" Razor smiled to himself. "I hope they like my gifts." The next day, the heroes got their presents, which were dropped among their regular presents. It was easy to identify Razor's gifts, because the wrapping paper had razor blades on it.

**Avengers** **Mansion, Christmas Day**

"Kid Razor has struck again, I presume…" Jarvis noticed as he gave Steve Rogers, Captain America, a cup of coffee.

"Yup." Cap nodded. "I got Geritol…again. But he did get me a nice bottle of shield polish…which I had no idea people made."

"You know Clevelandites, sir." Jarvis chuckled. Jen Walters and Wanda Maximoff, the She-Hulk and the Scarlet Witch, walked by.

"Let me guess. He got you two lingerie again?" Cap deduced.

"Yup." Jen nodded.

"At least he got red." Wanda shrugged. Those two had been long-used to Razor's hormone-induced antics. "You should've seen the look on Hank and Tony's faces when Lady Helen and Janet opened their presents." The two Avengers called Yellowjacket and Iron Man staggered by, looking like zombies.

"Abadee aie ugha abuh buhbuhbuhbuhbuhbuh…" They mumbled. Cap sighed.

"Only Kid Razor would pull this." The Star-Spangled Avenger sighed.

**The West Coast Avengers' Malibu Complex, Malibu**

"_AAAAAAARGH!_ _THAT LITTLE PUNK!"_ Greer Grant-Nelson, the feline Avenger called Tigra, screamed in rage. "He sent me a tape of the Raymond Zed episode where he made that comment!"

"Calm down, Tigra…Relax…" The blonde Atlantean called Namorita tried to calm down the enraged weretiger.

"Yes, Tigra." Vince Freeman, the powerhouse mutant called Mayhem, agreed with a nod. "Here, here's my present." Vince handed his furry girlfriend a present. Tigra's mood immediately brightened.

"Ooh, present!" Tigra eagerly took it and opened it up. "Ooh!" She held up a pair of shoes with furry straps. "Shoes! Thanks, Vinnie." She put her head on his shoulder and nuzzled the Canadian.

"Ha ha, Razor." Hawkeye chuckled at his present from Santa Razor: A metal plate attached to his belt. He read the note. "I figured you could use this, because of your infamous penchant for blonde women who could beat your ass any time you wanted. Signed, Santa Razor."

"Well, he does have a point." Nita smirked at the archer.

**The Xavier Institute**

"You got…" Logan, the feral mutant called Wolverine, burst out laughing.

"It's not funny!" Scott Summers, the optic blaster called Cyclops, scowled.

"I think it's very appropriate. Just like Logan's new claw polish." Ororo Munroe, the weather manipulator called Storm, chuckled.

"What'd he get?" Bobby Drake, the Iceman, wondered.

"Nothing!" Scott snapped. Logan opened his mouth. "Don't you dare, Logan!"

"Santa Razor gave him a jumbo-sized tub of Ass Cream!" Logan blabbed. Scott groaned as Bobby burst out laughing.

"_ARRRRGH!_" Paige Guthrie, the epidermic metamorph called Husk, screamed as she stomped by. "I can't believe Kid Razor got me a pink cowboy hat! That jerk! He just can't stop, can he?" Logan winced.

"Man, I'm glad I ain't Warren." The Canadian shook his head.

"I got some…interesting gifts for my child." The blonde telepath Emma Frost shook her head.

"Let me guess, a Queen shirt?" Jean Grey guessed.

"Exactly." Emma nodded. "It's a gift for my child from 'Santa Razor'."

"He also got him a replica of that guitar the guitarist plays. I don't know what it's called." Hank McCoy, the blue-furred feline Beast added.

"The Red Special, Hank." Logan told the scientist.

"Hey everybody!" Bobby Drake yelled out as he left the room. "Guess what Cyclops got for Christmas: A big tub of Ass Cream!"

"_AAAARGH!_" Cyclops screamed.

**The Baxter Building**

"I can't believe it!" Ben Grimm, the rock-skinned Thing, hollered in rage. The FF were gathered around the Christmas tree. That was before Santa Razor modified it. The tree was now upside-down…and had multicolored paint dumped all over it. "That rotten little punk! If I ever get my hands on him again, I'll wrap that fancy guitar of his around his throat!"

"Oh, God…" Sue Richards, the Invisible Woman, sighed as she shook her head.

"I guess the Kid of Rock 'n' Roll still has issues with you, Selene." Reed Richards, the stretchy scientist called Mr. Fantastic, said to the dark-haired woman trying to calm Ben down.

"I'm not surprised." The sorceress grunted.

"What I'd like to know is how in the world did Razor get the tree upside down like that?" Johnny Storm, the high-flying hero known as the Human Torch, scratched his head.

"It could be worse." Selene sighed. "I know Razor. He could've done worse. I guess he only did merely this because it's Christmas."

**Cleveland**

Kid Razor flew over the streets of Cleveland, not worrying about the Ohio winter. Flying next to him was the ghost who was once Ronnie Rocker.

"You do realize that a lot of the heroes are going to hate the gifts you gave them." Ronnie reminded. "Especially the Fantastic Four."

"Yeah, the Kid of Rock knows." Razor shrugged. "But it's Christmas, and it's a fun time. And the FF had it coming." A silence passed between the two of them. "Too bad I couldn't get you anything."

"Meh." Ronnie shrugged. "To me, Christmas was a time to spend with friends and family." Razor smiled.

"Speaking of family, the Kid of Rock has to go see his before they wonder where their little boy went off to." Razor chuckled as he flew off. Ronnie smiled at his flying protégé.

"Another insane Christmas brought to the world by Kid Razor." Ronnie shook his head with a smile.

**Merry Christmas to all my friends! Sorry if it's bad, I've been struggling with writer's block all day.**


End file.
